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Practical Things To Do If You Are Being Abused


By: Community Legal Service Direct (agency of the British government)

The first thing is to make sure that you and any children are safe. If you need protection during of a violent incident, call the police on [911]. If you are using a mobile phone, tell the operator where you are immediately, because they cannot tell by tracing your call. The police have a duty to protect you and any children and make sure you are safe. They may arrest your partner. They may go with you to a safe place if you need to leave the home in order to be safe. They can tell you about emergency housing and refuges.

If you want help from the police at some point after you were abused, you can ring your local police station (their number is in the phone book) and ask to speak to the community safety officer (sometimes called the domestic violence officer), who will be able to advise you what to do.

You may have to leave your home for a few days to go to a safe place, while you sort out your legal position. You will not lose your rights in the home if you do this. For help and advice, call the confidential 24-hour national domestic violence free phone helpline -see 'Further help' for details.

If you have been abused in the past, or you think you are going to be abused, you may be able to make a planned escape and leave with money, clothes and other things you will need. The things you should take on a planned escape are:

  • clothes;
  • toiletries;
  • passports -yours and any children's;
  • benefit books or details;
  • your National Insurance number;
  • savings books;
  • bank details;
  • your children's health record books;
  • any other personal identification, such as an official letter addressed to you at your home;
  • your children's favourite toys; and
  • a photograph (if you have one) of your partner.

Sometimes it is safer just to get out of the home with whatever you can grab. Don't panic; make sure you are safe first. The things you will need to sort out are described on the following pages.

What if I have to leave the children?

You will not lose your rights as a parent if you have to leave your children, but it is important that you see a solicitor as soon as possible to take steps to get back to them (if you want to). If you leave them for weeks or months with your partner, a court may feel that hanging the situation would unsettle them.

What if I have been injured during the abuse?

If you have any sort of injury, you need to make sure you get it treated and recorded. Go to your GP or to the local hospital casualty department. It may be embarrassing, but tell them how the injury occurred and ask them to note this on your records. This is because you may need a medical report if your case goes to court. If your injuries are visible, like bruises or cuts, try to get a photograph of them. If you don't have a camera, you can use a photo booth, or buy a cheap disposable camera.

What should I do about money?

If you make a planned escape, before you go you may be able to get some money together to tide you over. If you have to leave in a rush this may be difficult. If your money is in a joint account with your partner, think about asking the bank to put a stop on the account so that your partner cannot take out money without you. However, this will mean you can't get money out either, so before you do this make sure you have enough for the time being. If you can, set up a separate bank account before you go. If you don't have any money of your own, call your local benefit office. You may be able to get a crisis loan if you need it, and you can make an application for Income Support at the same time.

How can I find somewhere to live?

You may be able to stay with friends or family, but this may not feel safe enough, or you may not want to involve them. If you are escaping domestic violence or abuse, you can contact your local housing authority to see if they can find you a temporary home. (Look in the phone book under your local council 's listings.)

Most areas also have women's refuges that offer temporary housing to women and their children. You do not have to have children to be able to stay there. Some are especially for women from a particular background or ethnic group. Refuges do not print their addresses or phone numbers for safety reasons. The staff in a refuge will also give you advice and support and help you work out what to do next. You will be able to stay there until you can find somewhere safe to live. To find out about refuges near you, call the national domestic violence helpline -see 'Further help' for more information.

Getting your things from home

If you have had to leave in a rush and need to go back home to get important things, the police will generally help you arrange this. They will find someone to go with you so that you can go home safely.

Dealing with drink and drugs

If you are being abused because you or your partner are using alcohol or drugs, there are several organizations you can contact for help. Alcoholics Anonymous can help someone who is drinking too much. Another organization, Al Anon, can help the families of people who drink too much. If the problem is drugs, talk to your GP or your health visitor who will know what help is available locally.