How to Handle Your Child Telling You They Have Been Abused

By: Child-line (South African charity)

When a child discloses abuse, it is essential that s/he is BELIEVED, protected and assured that it is not his or her fault.

DO:

Let the child know you BELIEVE them

Let the child know you are glad they TOLD you

Let the child know you are SORRY this has happened to them

Let the child know it is NOT their fault

Let the child know you will get them some HELP

DON'T:

Call the child a liar

Blame the child for what has happened

Tell the child they were "asking for it"

Allow the child to be abused further

Disclosure can take 3 different forms:

Indirect Disclosure - (e.g. "Don't make me go to grandpa's house any more"). For the child, the message is clear, but it is often misinterpreted by adults and makes the child feel even more hopeless.

Accidental Disclosure - here the child accidentally tells of the abuse in conversation or the abuse is seen and "caught in the act". In this situation, the child is not ready to disclose and, as a result, much care must be taken with handling these cases.

Purposeful Disclosure - in these instances, the child makes a conscious effort to disclose and wants some control to be taken over the abusive situation.

Your role in handling disclosure:

Acknowledge the child's statement

Do not show shock

Give matter-of-fact answers

Always speak to the child quietly and privately

Stay calm, reassuring and non-judgmental

Believe what the child tells you

Do not ask questions that sound like accusations

Tell the child that s/he is NOT responsible for the abuse, no matter what the circumstances

Do not encourage the child to tell you everything

Help the child by saying that you realize how difficult it is for them to talk about it.

Get help for the child and report the abuse