Support group brings parents of autistic children together

Apr. 20--TWIN FALLS -- If you've ever felt overwhelmed as the parent of a child on the autism spectrum, you're not alone.

That's why Valerie Illguth started the Magic Valley Autism Parents Support Group.

Illguth, an administrative assistant at Aspen Grove Family Therapy, began the support group this year to connect parents to share their struggles and resources with each other. As a parent of an autistic child herself, Illguth knows the difficulties many parents face.

"Autism is a common diagnosis," she said. "It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the child and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the parent. It just means they need a little extra support in certain areas."

Illguth was inspired to create the group by her boss, marriage and family therapist Michael Whitehead.

Whitehead has a son on the autism spectrum. When looking for resources for both himself and the families that he works with, he found the community had no support groups to offer.

"Working with kids on the spectrum, it's important that parents have that type of support or have the ability to find support," he said.

As Whitehead explains, autism is a neurodevelopmental communication disorder, meaning the nervous system abnormally develops to affect brain functions on things such as emotion, communication and learning ability.

Those with autism are referred to as being on the "spectrum" because the range of symptoms and severity of symptoms is wide.

"There are a lot of different reasons why it might develop," Whitehead said. "There's no one specific reason why someone might have autism. It's a combination of environmental and biological factors."

A common thread among the vast tapestry of symptoms is sensory issues. Those with autism can experience sensory overload with things relating to sight, sound, touch, smell and taste.

When a child is throwing a tantrum in the store, it's easy to blame the parent for lack of discipline, but what if the issue is not related to parenting at all?

"You have people looking at your son and asking what's wrong with him," Illguth said.

Perhaps the fluorescent lights are bothering the child or the number of people is overwhelming. The smell of the bakery, the noise from the intercom, the feel of the cart against their skin -- all of these variables can affect someone on the spectrum in different ways.

"It was frustrating for a long time," Illguth said. "There's a lot of issues here that I'm not fully equipped to handle and I feel like I'm being judged on my parenting. I hear that a lot from people feeling like they're being judged on their parenting when really it's a developmental thing."

Illguth relates autism to asthma: People wouldn't expect a child with asthma to run a mile without an inhaler, so why would they expect a child with autism to walk into a crowded room without melting down?

"A lot of kids who are on the spectrum -- we may not know what their struggle is, we may not know what their sensitivity is," Whitehead said. "If we see somebody at the store who is having a difficult time with their child, express more compassion instead of judging that parent."

Amy Hansen, founder of the Magic Valley Special Needs Parents Unite Facebook group and member of the support group, said the feeling of being judged was a constant occurrence in her life.

"I felt alone," Hansen said. "After my child was diagnosed I felt like I was exiled from my family because they just didn't understand."

Although she started the special-needs Facebook group to fill a void in the community, she's thankful to have an autism-specific group to attend.

"When you meet with other families that have the same diagnosis, it's finding your tribe, finding the people who understand you and understand what you're going through," she said.

Hansen's son was diagnosed with autism when he was in the first grade.

Throughout her son's life, she's faced many challenges she wasn't prepared for. Whether she was trying to get him to drink a different brand of milk or figuring out how to enter a grocery store without him screaming, Hansen has had to adapt to all obstacles without guidance.

Even simple things like having a date night with her husband were out of the question.

"Parents of kids with special needs can't drop their kids off at the babysitter," she said. Finding qualified care for a child with special needs is difficult and expensive. Many times it's not worth the hassle just for a night out.

The stories that Hansen shares are ones that both Illguth and Whitehead can relate to. Unlike a Facebook group, meeting in person creates a sense of camaraderie often lost in online and anonymous forums.

"The fact that I'm meeting people who live in the Magic Valley feels really good," Illguth said.

Members of the group share resources and stories. They brainstorm ideas and swap techniques they've used with their children. Participants range from newly diagnosed families to parents whose children are now adults.

Each person brings their own experience and expertise.

"We get therapists for our kids, but the most important therapist in the parent," Hansen said.

The last meeting, held in February before the statewide stay-home order, focused a portion of the time on how to transition a child from elementary school to middle school. Change is difficult for many people, especially for someone on the spectrum, and having to adapt to a new class schedule with different teachers can be very challenging.

Still, having the support of others can make all the difference.

"I will never know the full impact of what we talk about in these groups and how they carry into people's lives, but I know they do," Hansen said.

For those looking to join, Illguth said the group usually meets on the third Saturday of every month at the Twin Falls Public Library. Meetings start at 1 p.m. and usually last an hour and a half. With closures in place due to the stay-home order, Illguth recommends checking the Magic Valley Autism Parents Support Group Facebook page for updates on when the next meeting will be held.

Anyone who feels they would benefit from the support group is invited to join.

Parenting a child on the spectrum can be difficult at times, but you are not alone. Other people are going through the same set of challenges that you've faced, and many have found different techniques to deal with these obstacles.

Recognizing the accomplishments, however small, can make all the difference in a parent's life.

"Special needs parenting is the highest highs and the lowest lows," Hansen said. "We get to find joy in things that other families take for granted."

Whether you're new to being a parent of autism or feeling overwhelmed by the situation, Whitehead's advice is simple.

"Embrace the beauty of the spectrum," he said. "There is a lot of beauty in children who are on the spectrum because they see the world differently.

"If we can tune into them and recognize that, we can be better people."

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